153: Navigating Jealousy and Speaking (ft. Natalie Franke)
Does business ownership or public speaking ever feel like a competitive sport to you? I know It sure has for me. And that's why today we're having a dive deep conversation about how to navigate jealousy, and public speaking, so that you can show up as your best self, even when you don't feel like your best self.
Natalie Franke joins us to share about the importance of overcoming jealousy by building a powerful community where you belong. Let's shift any jealous tendencies into the mindset of, "If it can happen for her, it can happen for me."
If you loved this episode and it motivated you to work on more polished presentations, I’d love for you to leave a review on iTunes and tell me about your biggest takeaway. Take a screenshot of you listening on your device, post it to your Instagram Stories, and tag me @jessicarasdall.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Meet Natalie Frank
Natalie Franke Hayes is an entrepreneur, mobilization marketer, community builder, and neuroscience nerd.
As one of the Founders of the Rising Tide Society, the Head of Community at HoneyBook, and author of Built to Belong, she leads tens of thousands of creatives and small business owners while fostering a spirit of community over competition around the world.
Acknowledging Your Fears & Feelings
Fear makes us human—they're very raw and real. In order to face our fears, we have to acknowledge that they exist.
When we go after a goal or a dream, we'll run into situations where we see others achieving it before us, or possibly taking opportunities out from under us, this typically ignites jealousy. We are wired to think that way—therefore we need to embrace those feelings at all times.
Fears and insecurities will always be there, but our choice needs to be to bring them into our conscious awareness and to declare that they no longer have power over us. We have the choice to take a hard look at them and recognize that they are not the truth
Opportunities are not scarce, they're abundant.
Comparison & Jealousy
Comparison isn't just the thief of joy, it's the plunder of purpose, the burglar of belonging. The content that is all around us are only telling half the story. It's only inviting us into the best parts of the conversation.
Humans aren't highlight reels.
When we accept what we're being told as the truth, rather than just a highlight, we begin to compare our lives to it. This leads to disappointment in our own lives and believing that we're less than or not good enough—which is simply not the case.
Let's change this narrative through community & finding a place where we can belong.
Belonging in Community
It really comes down to acknowledging that there is so much that we will never fully know behind each person's story and simultaneously, being willing in spaces where we can in spaces where it's safe.
When we can let our guards down just a little and take the first step to be vulnerable, we're more accepting of our own insecurities. It starts by creating those connections and those relationships and the one to one. As you begin to peel back misconceptions, you'll realize that we are all very much navigating similar terrains.
While we're all apt to sharing our highlight reels on social media, we have to remember that when we're caught in the comparison trap of comparing ourselves online—this isn't the full story.
Building a community that you can connect with and relate to will help you better understand that the posts and content that live online aren't worth comparing your life to—they're made to build connections to.
Stop Networking & Start Building Community
Does networking ever feel gross to you? Like you're doing everything you can to figure out what it is that you can get from someone? Rather than looking at networking in that sense, let's toss aside all of our preconceived notions about networking and focus on building relationships and communities.
Enter every room you're invited to to see how you can impact others. Take a little bit of courage and put into engaging with someone to build a relationship, not sell yourself.
As you uncover things about others, think of how you can add value to their life, this relationship, and the community you're in.
Entrepreneurship Can Be Lonely
Anything we do in life can feel lonely, therefore, we have to surround ourselves with a community to navigate that loneliness.
For work, Natalie has built a community of team members, industry leaders, peer mentors, and so many others who are constantly lifting her up in her journey (as she also lifts them).
In building a business, so many doors are opened by the community you build, so many hands are extended in support, and so much encouragement is offered.
Find a community to pour into, cheer for, and connect with—it will change not only your business, but your life as well.
If you're not already a member of the academy, we'd love to invite you to apply to join The Speaking Strategy Academy. You'll get instant access to our A-Z speaking training system with video lessons, transcripts, scripts, templates, and more.... access to our live group coaching calls, personalized 1:1 feedback on your work from me, and an opportunity to present your work live in front of our community for hot seat coaching and feedback. What are you waiting for, friend? Apply today!
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Transcript for Episode 153: Navigating Jealousy and Speaking (ft. Natalie Franke)
Jessica Rasdall 0:00
does business ownership or public speaking ever feel like a competitive sport to you? I know It sure has for me. And that's why today we're having a dive deep conversation about how to navigate jealousy, and public speaking, so that you can show up as your best self, even when you don't feel like your best self.
Jessica Rasdall 0:29
Welcome back to another episode of The speak to scale Podcast, where we're helping small business owners just like you grow and scale their companies by speaking on stages, podcasts, webinars, and more. I'm your host, Jessica Rasul. And I am so grateful that you are here today, because I know there are so many other podcasts you could be listening to. And I feel like that statement is very fitting for today's episode. It's no secret that I'm not the only person who does what I do. I'm not the only podcaster you could tune into. And I'm sure you're not the only person who does what you do. But that doesn't mean that our work isn't valuable, that it's not needed, and it's not actively changing someone's life. So what do we do when those voices start to creep up and we get jealous of someone else's work or we compare where we are to where someone else's? Well, I've called on a friend for this subject, because I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm not the best with this one either. So we've brought my friend Natalie Frank, back to the podcast for another episode. If you haven't met her, you're in for a treat friend. She's an entrepreneur, mobilization marketer, community builder, and a neuroscience nerd. As one of the founders of the rising tide society and the head of community at honeybook. She is the author of the upcoming book built to belong and she leads 10s of 1000s of creatives and small business owners while fostering a spirit of community over competition all around the world. Now, Natalie and I sat down for a heart to heart to discuss what it really looks and feels like inside and behind the scenes as you step into that role of thought leadership, educator and speaker in your industry. When you're supposed to be the person up on the stage, with the microphone pouring into the audience. How do you navigate those feelings of not feeling like enough, or feeling like you're behind, or being jealous of somebody else doing something similar to you? Well, if you've ever felt those feelings before, no friend that you are not alone. And today's episode is for you.
Jessica Rasdall 2:47
Listening to the podcast is a great first step. But I want you to go take action. So if you are ready to apply everything you've learned here on the show, listen up, we took all of our best resources, like our plug and play crafting your story workbook, or how to select your speaking topics, workbook, resources on crafting your talk, finding and pitching events. We put them all together inside of the speak to scale vault, and we put them in order, so you know exactly what to do and when to do it. to scale your business with speaking, ready to unlock the entire vault, head on over to speak to scale vault comm or click the link in our show notes. But be sure to use the code podcast for a special discount from me.
Jessica Rasdall 3:38
Okay, so before we dive into all of the nitty gritty, and you and I can nerd out about all things, stages and platforms and the things we're telling ourselves behind the scenes that we need to chill out on. quickly tell us a little bit about what you have coming up so we can get excited through this episode.
Natalie Franke 3:59
Yes, so I wrote a book. It's called built to belong discovering the power of community over competition. And it is hitting shelves August 24. And this has been a passion project of mine for over six years championing this mindset fighting for spaces where we are elevating others and cheering for others and championing one another and eliminating scarcity mindsets that hold us back and our personal and our professional lives. And so it's a huge game changing mind coming true a book on shelves in places like Barnes and Noble online at Target on Amazon and all the places and independent booksellers where books are sold. So I'm really excited. I'm excited to take this idea that many of us in the small business world have been exploring and learning about and championing in our space and kind of bring it bring it to the world.
Jessica Rasdall 4:50
I'm so excited for you. And I've had I've already been reading the book guides and it's so good. It's it's I'm so proud of you. I'm so grateful. I know that you have you have like a superpower for making people feel special. Okay, I'm just gonna say it not in a way that's like, superficial or just like boosting people up for ego sake, but you genuinely have so much interest, and you are so invested in the success of others, not just online, but in person. Like every time I have gotten to be in person with you, just seeing how you lift up everyone else around you. And I know that a lot, one, you're just amazing. It's, you can't help but be like, sucked in by that energy. But I know that for a lot of business owners when we are, you know, we're seeing success in our business, we're getting traction, but we're trying to take things to the next level, whether that's we're building a team, we're stepping into leadership, we are starting to move into that educator space or thought leadership and speaking, that a lot of times, we want to cheer others on, you know, we want to be like that and be a champion for others. But sometimes there's just this fear that somebody else will take our stage from us or that if we start sharing about the things we're working towards, like you so bravely sharing about the book before it was done, you know, in the making, that some of us might fear if we share about it, what before it's finished, that something will happen, or somebody will swoop in and take that from us. How can we embrace more of like what you bring to the table and lifting others up? How can we quiet those voices that are going to tell us that if we share or if if we invite others in that ours could go away?
Natalie Franke 6:41
First of all, we'll start by acknowledging that these fears are very real and valid fears, they are a part of what makes us human beings. In the book, for example, I talked about the fact that we are built for belonging but we are also created to compete. Human beings have an internal wiring that predisposes us to want to survive, right to want to not just survive in many cases, but to thrive, to go on to do better to achieve to do more. And that that pursuit of greatness that so many that you're describing, have within them, it's a beautiful thing. But with that comes those insecurities of well what if somebody else takes away the very thing that I'm seeking, what if I'm falling behind and falling short when I see evidence that someone else is achieving their goals and their dreams, that is whether it within us in the same way that we are wired to crave belonging and connection and community and to do it together, not just alone. And so this duality is very much knit to the very fabric of our DNA and into our being. So the first thing we need to do is is embrace it and say, you know, these feelings are going to be there, not just when I'm getting started, not just when I'm stepping onto a stage for the first time, not just when you've written a New York Times bestselling book, or gotten a talk show on a major radio platform or and being asked to speak on the biggest of stages around the world. It will always be there those fears and those insecurities will always be there. But the choice that we have is to bring them into our conscious awareness and to declare that they no longer have power over us the choice that we have is to take a hard look at them and say, But wait, that's not the truth. Right? Those might be my feelings, those might be sort of bubbling insecurities below the surface. But that's not actually actually the reality when I step onto the stage, someone else setting out to achieve greatness will never take away from your ability to do the same. And and that kind of is looking at scarcity mindset right in the eye and saying no, I'm going to choose another path, I'm going to choose to believe that the opportunities that are out there are not scarce, but yet abundant. And I'll give you an example of why I really believe right now more than ever before, truthfully, there is such a need for folks to step up and to lead. There's such a need for new voices in speaking and teaching and education and entrepreneurship. We are experiencing the greatest I believe one of the greatest transformations in how humans work. We are living through what for years people called the future of work. And it is truly a revolution. In April 2.7% of us workers quit their jobs, we're talking about millions of people. And 41%, according to a survey by Microsoft are thinking about leaving their current employer this year alone. People are craving something different. They've spent the last 15 months 16 1718 months of this pandemic experiencing something they've never potentially experienced in their lifetime before. And that forced them to reflect on what matters to them, that forced them to reflect on what they want the rest of their life to look like. And we're seeing these incredible shifts. The road that people want to live going forward the way they want to work going forward. And what that means is that there's a huge opportunity and a huge gap in the marketplace for voices to come forward to help guide this revolution for voices to come forward and help support these people, whether they're quitting and taking on a new job, whether they're pivoting in their life, whether they're sitting home wanting to raise a family launching a small business, the reality is their lives are shifting, the world is shifting the way we work, increasingly virtual increasingly hybrid, you know, that is shifting. And so there's never been a better time, there has never been a better time, at least since I've been alive, for people to step up into build a stage to bring others onto that stage, to share their opinions, their voice to tell stories that matter. I think it can be easy to say, well, there's just not enough to go around. But I'm telling you with quantitative evidence, that there's such a need, there's such a need for folks to speak into what is happening in the world, and to remove that their unique voice matters in that conversation, that they'd have something different to contribute, they have a unique perspective, they've lived a different life journey. And that life journey doesn't look quite like anyone elses. And that's important, because when when we take the stage, they can speak to the same conversation, they can speak to the same industry, or concern or pain point, but in a way that no one else can speak to it. Right. And I think that is one of the greatest weapons against this ideology that, you know, we refer to a scarcity mindset, because it comes at, at the the understanding that each of us are unique, we each have something to offer. And oftentimes, we have to be willing to not only raise our voice to share that opinion, but to not be afraid to amplify and encourage others who are doing the same thing.
Jessica Rasdall 11:54
I cannot agree more to every single word. It just said. And you guys know, I harp on us all the time about this, that if you really, truly want to be a successful speaker, you want to do it fast, there's no better way than creating your own stage than inviting other voices in and like waiting for the microphone is not necessary at this time. You know, in this day and age, it's so easy to be able to create your own platform. But for those of us who are thinking about doing that I know the step before, is probably the most intimidating because in our world, especially of Instagram, when we start to look around, and those we are hearing those voices of like Who am I to do this, or I'm not good enough, fast enough, smart enough, successful enough, whatever blank enough. Now we can look around and see, but everybody else seems to have it all together, everybody else looks so polished, or that person who does something so similar to me, their feet looks so much better. So they must be doing better, they must know more than I do. When we start to look around in our little internet bubble and see what others are doing. What comes up there, before we even step onto that stage.
Natalie Franke 13:11
Yeah, I don't believe that comparison isn't just the thief of joy. It's the plunder of purpose, it's the burglar of belonging, it can completely dis rail our entire trajectory and leave us feeling like we aren't worthy of our own dreams. Right. And I think that we have to remember that , the you know, the the moments that folks are willing to share. But human beings are not highlight reels. Human beings are complex and dynamic. And we know it because we also play the game. You know, we also craft the mask, and we put on the facade, and we show up as our best selves. And as a strategic businesswoman. I understand it as a strategic business. And I understand why we put ourselves out there in a certain way why we champion sort of a an image that we're trying to portray, I get it, I understand that I know how marketing works. However, I also think that when we accept what we're seeing out in the virtual world as reality, when we can feel is the content that's being shared as the full truth, and not just half the story, then we start to imagine that their lives are perfect, and we are falling behind that they have it all together. And we clearly do not that our mess will never match up to the miracles they're talking about that are happening in their business every single day. And so, you know, I think it really comes down to acknowledging that there is so much that we will never fully know behind each person's story and simultaneously, being willing in spaces where we can in spaces where it's safe. This is why I champion and advocate for Community all the time that we let our guards down just a little, that we maybe take the first step to be vulnerable. But we we step into a room and we truly embrace the reality that each person in that room is just doing the very best that they can, that they're walking through hard things as well. And we're open to kind of letting people into a deeper part of our journey. And that thought doesn't have to be in large public declarations on the internet. It doesn't have to be in you know, everyday sharing the most vulnerable parts of yourself in large public spaces. But I do think it starts by creating those connections and those relationships and the one to one, sitting down with someone. And whether it's over a cup of coffee, or a zoom chat, just connecting on a human level. And then from that one person doing it with one other person or joining a community of five or 10 people where you can start to kind of peel back those misconceptions that comparison builds up in our minds that everyone else has it all together. And we're the only one struggling to to put the puzzle pieces into place. And you start to realize No, actually, we are all very, very much navigating similar terrain, going through different different experiences, certainly having different challenges. Absolutely. But more buddy has it all figured out. There is no escalator and instant success button that we can just admit and one person's just just made it overnight. Right? The reality is, all of us are charging towards this journey together. So when we can identify where comparison is creating these, these sort of toxic cycles in how we behave. And I, I will say there's a there's a portion of me thinking that has evolved on this, I used to think social media was the problem. I used to think virtual relationships were not real relationships. I truly believe that about six, seven years ago, eight years ago. And spoiler alert, there's a whole chapter in the book about this, I encourage you to read it, if you're still in that mindset of like social media is the problem, read the chapter, I promise you, we will we will transform your thinking about this, because I believe now that social media is not inherently the problem the way we are using it is. And so when we can identify, hey, I'm in cycles of behavior, where I'm consuming and not connecting, or I'm just absorbing other people's content and not actually creating anything of my own. We get into these cyclical trajectories, where comparison runs rampant, where isolation feels inevitable, where you just feel kind of lost and disconnected and uninspired. And, you know, that can be changed simply by changing the behavior and how we're interacting with these platforms. But then there's one more thing I want to say. I also think comparison sometimes for us, especially when it's upward comparison, you know, you're looking at upward at what someone else has, and comparing it to what you don't have a simple sentence to use a lot for me. And it's the idea that if it can happen for her, it can happen for me. Right? If, if I even the highlights, you know if her highlights can happen for her, when I acknowledge that it's only half the story. That also means that there is a shot out there for me when when one person, for example, makes a stage and transforms an audience. That means that that audience can be transformed, right? It doesn't mean that there's not more opportunity out there for me to step up and to share my story or for another door to open, it takes a lot of people to shatter glass ceilings. But once they are shattered, it makes it a heck of a lot easier for the next generation to move upward and through them. Now granted, they might face another glass ceiling or another challenge or another path that's never been walked before. But that's the whole point of community, right? The ability for us to continue changing the landscape of the future. Because if it can happen for her, it can happen for me and it can happen for you.
Jessica Rasdall 18:51
That's such a powerful statement. Because I think so often, what we're saying is, why is it happening for her and not for me, instead of like it's this permanent? Well, it's only going to happen once since she's already done it. So it might as well burn it all down. And instead, so it's just such a powerful reframe. I love that. Okay, so let's, let's say that we are, we're ready to embrace these virtual relationships with which I hope you guys are because truly some of the best relationships in my life, or started on a little app in my phone. And these are people who I plan to know for a very, very, very long time, some of my closest friends. But let's say we were willing to put aside a little bit of our comparison and we want to do a better job of creating community and inviting others in but we don't know how to like how do you start those conversations? How do you start inviting other people into your space to bring them onto your own stage to invite them into conversations to embrace more collaboration. without feeling like, I know a lot of times it's a feeling of I'm bothering someone, or like Who am I to ask to collaborate? How do you start those conversations in a way that feels good?
Natalie Franke 20:14
Yeah. So look, I this is unpopular opinion alert, I believe we'll start by throwing out everything we have learned about networking. I actually believe that networking feels gross, I, I've never felt comfortable with networking. And I'll tell you why. Networking often involves walking into a room and finding out what you can get from others. It involves figuring out how many business cards you can collect and looking at people like, you know, kind of a way to benefit yourself, versus relationship building, which is what I encourage, which is not walking into a space, virtual or physical, and expecting to kind of uncover what others can do for you, but entering a room with the idea of what can I do for others? So in those conversations, when you start those conversations, which, you know, how did you start, you just start, you slide into a DM you leave a kind of comment, you send an intentional and genuine email, you go up and say hi to someone, when you recognize them in a room. Or if you see somebody sitting by themselves, you'd go over and you sit next to them, right? Like, it just requires having that little outset what he says it's 20 seconds of courage can change your entire life is a quote out there, it's not mine, for anything to change your entire life. And I believe that it's only 20 seconds at 10 seconds of courage to then engage, right? But instead of engaging, as we've been taught, instead of walking into a space and walking in with this idea of networking, can I get your business card? You know, how can we help each other Oh, I, you know, could you have any clients, you could refer to me, like, just get rid of all those ideologies, step right into the space and say, hey, I want to get to know you. And as you uncover things about someone else, be thinking about what you can do for them, and thinking about what benefit and value you can give to them not expecting anything in return, not with the hope that one day they'll even pay it back. But just with the knowledge, that's the best relationship, start by adding value first, and deepening the relationship over time. And so I think that that can be a really powerful tool just for changing the way that a lot of us have been taught, especially in corporate spaces, especially in the business world. Even as you know, business networking groups have been around for ever, kind of changing this mentality that it's it's has to be purely give and take, there has to be, you know, a benefit to you from the outset. Ranking people, they know what you think they can give you. Right? Like, that's just that needs to be completely eliminated from our thought process. I truly believe the way that you start is you step into a space and you think about what you can do for somebody else. And I promise you, they'll be of course, there will be some folks that don't reciprocate. Unless you discover that rather quickly, your intuition is pretty strong, you'll know right away, if you're trying to engage in a genuine way of just building a friendship and somebody else maybe hasn't adopted these mindsets, somebody else maybe is only in it for themselves, your red flags will go up and you can move on to a different opportunity and different relationship, a different friendship that could be formed. As I often hear that kind of pushback but what if somebody is only there to take we'll figure it out. You're smart, I have full faith in you. And in that instance, I still believe being kind from the outset it's never the wrong thing to do. You know, but But what you can do is start to step into relationships where people share this mindset where you know, I'm experiencing this now as I'm watching this book, folks that I supported helped encourage did kind things for volunteered for collaborated with back when I started my business a decade ago, are coming out of the woodwork to support me in ways that I couldn't even imagine. You know, and it's it's, it's just a way that I think we work as humans we desire that ability to do kind things for others to be in true relationships with other people to be for people. And I think that there's such an opportunity there when we surrender these ideas that we've held on for so long or that we've been taught or have been ingrained in us to take before we give and we flip that mindset on its head and we give give give long before we ever asked for anything in return.
Jessica Rasdall 24:00
And you really walk the walk. It's it had to be like five years ago, but I specifically remember we got connected we became like Facebook friends and it was like moments after we became Facebook friends you posted on my What is it your your your wall, my page? You posted? You were like, we're officially Facebook friends want to grab virtual coffee. Like just just sent me the message just just made the ask and we did it. I think so often we do we overcomplicate it of Well, what's the right thing to say? How long do I follow them before I said that? Like there was none of that you just just said hey, we're friends now. Let's have coffee.
Natalie Franke 24:47
Yeah, I think we I think we overthink it a lot. I think we do I think we overthink things and I know I do. I do i mean i'm look I'll be honest, I especially in your again there's a little story in the book where You know, I was at an event, I was speaking at an event. And I was so nervous, I was so nervous for this event. And my lens that day and the conversations I had that day, you know, we're from a certain perspective, and in trying to make conversation with someone to try to connect with someone, I hurt their feelings, right, I left them feeling really rejected and judged and criticized, it's a really uncomfortable story, by the way to write in a book about community, but I'm like, we got to be honest here. There are gonna be times where, you know, make a mistake, or we, you know, don't get the response we want from someone, or we try really hard to go out on a limb and be kind, and it's interpreted differently, you know, or even, you know, just, sometimes we end up being the ones who rejected ourselves, when we we enter a room and we try to connect genuinely, and people just don't they don't have, you know, the same mindset, or, you know, some people do just reject other people very quickly, without getting to know them. That happens, you know, but I think truly, it's about getting the courage to keep trying, again, to keep connecting again, when we make mistakes. It's not about being perfect. It's about having integrity, right. It's about saying, I'm sorry, like, I'm sorry that I screwed that up. That was, you know, obviously not my intention, but the impact was felt regardless. And so I want to I want to address the impact, I want to apologize, I want to take accountability, I want to you know, that make it right. And I think sometimes we can get so afraid that we're going to make the mistake, or we're going to get rejected that we don't even take the first step of trying that we don't even extend our hand out and say, hey, I want to be friends. Like I want to meet one another. And, and look, I'll also share that being a mom of a two and a half year old has been eye opening in this entire experience. It's amazing what kids can teach you because there's an adult, our brains are always in overdrive, about the simplest of things we carry a lot on our shoulders and friendships connection, community, changing dynamics in a very competitive space, because like all of this is hard, hard work. But then you watch a two and a half year old and a four year old interact and the four year olds like, Oh, you like sticks. I like sticks, like rocks, I like rocks, let's be friends, and walk some water one month on the playground together. And it was as if they have the deepest connection in the world over something as simple as a stick in a rock or the color yellow or a bird in the sky or their love of dogs and cats. So we see this unfold. And with Huey my son this literally just happened last night you know I we were outside intuitive ways are there and it's like one had a ball. He loves balls he ran over he doesn't his speech delayed. So we're even talking limited, you know, expressive language, he points and goes, though, and the little boy understood, Oh, she wants to play. And the next thing I know, they're all playing together. And it's it's this very simplified way of connecting. But I think sometimes we could learn a lot from we can go back to saying, you know, hey, you're speaking on stages, I'm speaking on stages, you know, new corporate job to pursue a full time business that takes guts, like, that takes a lot of guts. I've been there. Like, I'd love to get to know you. Just creating this one simple point of connection. You like rocks. I like rocks. You know, maybe that won't work so much with 20 somethings 30 somethings and 40 somethings, but how can never know my point leading finding a single point of connection, it can be as simple as the way that children connect and reminding ourselves that that's sometimes all it takes a genuine outreach, a single point of connection, and a desire to bring value first into the relationship.
Jessica Rasdall 28:42
Yes, I remember when Chloe was that, I mean, I have a three year old too. But specifically, I just remember it would just floored me every single time we'd go to the pool and Chloe didn't even have a conversation with anybody yet. The second we would walk in if there were people there she just said hi friends want to play. And I'm I'm such an introvert that I was always I don't know that we have friends. It would always catch me off guard. And I always like this in such awe of how children do it so effortlessly. Now for you, you know, you you obviously speak your publishing a book, you've done all the things that some of our listeners are aspiring to do. And I think that so often, we from the other side of our screen, or phone or app that we see somebody in thought leadership, and we see them by themselves, you know, it's their thoughts, it's their words, it's their voice. And we think that's how it is and that it is a lonely road. I would I would love if you wouldn't mind sharing a little bit of insight as to what it looks like for you on the side. You know as you're doing these things by yourself whether you know speaking on the stage by yourself writing the book, by your Are you really by yourself?
Natalie Franke 30:04
I love this question. I remember very early on, I think it was Lara Casey, who I first heard say the words leadership is lonely. leadership can be lonely. And for me, it's the idea in the realms, where will I exist? You know, entrepreneurship can be lonely motherhood, can be lonely.
Natalie Franke 30:27
Pursuing anything in life can be lonely. But you're absolutely right. It doesn't have to be that way. And part of what I fight for is, it shouldn't be that way. For me, behind the scenes, you know, it looks like having a small but very mighty team that is helping to make all of this happen. It looks like having industry friends that I can pick up and call or that we text frequently, or even just I mean, all the different levels of relationships, some of us just dm every once in a while to encourage each other. But I think I think the truth is that, you know, you might look at something I'm pursuing, say, oh, Natalie's doing that. But the reality and the truth behind anyone who's doing anything, especially have a thought leadership level, a leadership, like any kind of leadership level, but I'm talking all facets of our lives is that we stand on the shoulders of others, and we are lifted up by the arms of others. And we are held back by the support of others. And it often doesn't make it into these highlight reels that we're consuming. But we have to remember that that exists. And I'll give you a very specific examples. Being the mom and trying to launch a book, right now we're having this interview. And my husband is we don't have childcare this week, my husband is downstairs watching my son well on a WebEx call for his job. And he was supporting my dream to make this interview happen for me, because this is so important that I get to sit with you and talk about this, right. And in the same way that I have that support where he is ensuring that I can pursue this in this season, my mom, his mom, our friends, countless times, have taken Huey to the park for an hour or two so that I can go and you know, take on a certain call or a meeting, or just have time to work on my book and write my manuscript, especially during the pandemic. In that same way, in building a business. So many doors have been opened for me, especially by women that have worked through them before that have said, Oh, you know, I'll give Jess extra Jess is a fantastic speaker. And she, you know, for example, got me an opportunity. She's like I spoke at this event last year, I think you would be amazing. Would you be interested? I said yes. And the next thing I know, she booked me a very big professional speaking opportunity that is coming up this fall, she opened a door for me. And then the same way, I have no doubt I'm going to do my best. I mean, hit this out of the park, when when they come to me and they say, hey, Natalie, you know, do you know anyone else that would be great for the stage next year, I have an amazing group of people that I know and let's say will follow right this this trajectory of opening doors for one another, but many have opened them for me. So I think the reality here, we have to remember is that we don't get to the finish line of our career alone. It requires a lot of other people either supporting us or sacrificing for us or opening doors for us or breaking down barriers for us or transforming the way that the industry looks such that we can even enter it in the first place. When we started as a wedding photographer back in 2007 2008. That was when I was kind of coming up in the world. I had a mentor and I've shared about this a little bit more recently, it was a story I didn't share for a long time because I wanted to kind of have some time distance between the seasons of life. But I had a mentor that told me you know, women don't photograph weddings. He looked at me point blank when I told him that's what I wanted to do. He said, it's a lot of heavy physical labor. You lose your weekends, you know who's gonna watch your kids, if you decide to have kids, like, women don't shoot weddings. Now they can do portraits. You know, they have more flexibility there. But I just don't you don't single your wedding photographers. Now for anyone who's hearing this in 2021, you're probably thinking, what most wedding photographers, Crystal women. That was not the case in 2007 2008. There were a handful of big mean wedding photographers that were women that were starting just starting to speak and teach. If you looked at a lineup, it was all wedding photographers. That was the lineup of who were the leaders in the photography industry. And I tell the story because I remember personally being told that and kind of laughing and going, you don't know me very well, because if you tell me I can't do something, you know, I'm gonna go do it. But more importantly, because my career was made easier by women that had been fighting that battle. For a long time, women that were actually within 2008 especially beginning to step onto those stages for the first time. And by them stepping onto those stages for the first time and then taking the leadership reins and then stepping into sort of a really, really transformative period in that little wedding photography, niche industry, right? Wouldn't made it easier for me now to start my business when I left working for that mentor and actually founded something of my own and took work on of my own. But then when I wanted to start speaking and teaching myself, I wasn't the first not by a longshot. And that was a really good thing, right? We often think to ourselves open, if she's doing it, I can't remember. But if she does, it means I can too. And I think of all those women, I think of women like Mary Moran's Jasmine star who came one before I was ever speaking on those stages. And because they did it, and they did it better than anybody else, it really transformed the landscape for what it can look like to be someone like me, wanting to step into a thought leadership space. And so, you know, I think that we're going to continue to see these things. And I think that that's a good thing that we should not only be celebrating and championing those who are going first, but once and if we are the ones that then follow, or we are some of the ones doing it first ourselves, you know, lineups, especially over the last two years have been transforming and incredible and powerful ways, which is so good and so needed. And when that happens, if we are the one on the stage, I want to encourage those of you who are already attending these opportunities, those of you who are already in these conferences in virtual events, to acknowledge that your impact is going to be felt for generations, and that you have an opportunity to reach back to someone like me when I was getting started, or someone who's getting started today or quitting their job today, to guide support and educate them so that they can then follow in our footsteps and have an easier path of doing it. It doesn't mean that it's going to take away from your success, it doesn't mean it's going to turn the spotlight to somebody else and leave you in the dark, it actually means that we're going to be hanging more spotlights, we're going to be building bigger stages, and we're going to be changing the way that things have been done. And that is going to create more room for more people, it will never take away from your ability to keep building your stage and keep championing the success of other people.
Jessica Rasdall 37:06
So I'm so glad you shared that because especially you know, just opening the door for you and the other other photographers opening the stages for you. That's not talked about very often. And it's it's so common in the speaking world. And I think somebody who's aspiring to be a speaker, they don't think that that they have no idea that that is the that is the reality. Whether it's because this the hosts, you know, you spoke there last year, they don't rebook speakers, they're asking for a referral industry standard, or because you can't make the date that they're requesting. But you don't want to leave that host hanging, you want to, you know, strengthen that relationship, you're going to make a recommendation, speakers refer other speakers, those relationships are invaluable. And even in the very beginning, oh my goodness, almost 15 years ago, when I started 15 years ago, when I started speaking, I remember that nobody was going out and talking about what I was talking about. Nobody was going out publicly and saying, I made this horrible mistake. And I'm gonna admit it like that just was not normal. I'm not saying I was the first person to do it. But it was very uncommon. And I remember that it opened a lot of doors. And not because I did anything special. But because I was willing to bring other people on the stage with me. I don't think I've ever talked about that. But I had a mentor, just like you're saying, because somebody opened the door for me. Because somebody gave me a stage. It just ingrained in me like this is the way we do it. This is how we operate. And when someone reached out to me and told me Hey, I went through this thing I'm going through this thing I want to share my story I'd be like cool, I have a you know an opportunity next Thursday, I'm going to be speaking Do you want to talk after me? And you're just giving them that first stage and I think for those of us who have been blessed enough to have someone open a door for us that we are like that is our normal that's what we're gonna do. And I just can't encourage everybody to to find that kind of mentor to to find somebody who's going to be willing to turn around and say here here's the mic that's so powerful. so powerful. Yeah, well so for our listeners like by the time this comes out the book won't be it won't be out yet so I know there's a way how do we pre order how do we get our hands on this thing? I mean I already have it so
Natalie Franke 39:37
oh my gosh, yes. And we hoping to do pre order and you can just head to Natalie Frank comm slash book or go to any place where books are sold and search for built to belong, and you will find it and I will say if you do pro the book, you have access to a whole bunch of amazing bonuses you get immediate access to chapter On both audio and ebook format, doodles, gorgeous waffle wallpapers for your phone and just an awesome private event that we're going to be hosting, right around the time of launch, I would encourage you to do that, you know, I would say wherever books are sold, had their pre order built to belong, and then go to my website, Natalie frank.com slash book, and you can insert, name, email, and receipt number. And we will get you all of those goodies directly to your inbox and get you access to that private event as well. And just thank you, like, thank you for the support. If this conversation especially is something that resonates with you, I highly encourage you, not only to read the book, but the big part of why I wrote this book is then to take what you learn, and start implementing it into your life into how you live and how you cheer for other people. And just as Jessica said, becoming the one that as you succeed opens the door for somebody else's success, too. Because that is how we do it. That is how we are going to keep doing it. And I think that it's going to build a better future for so many people yet to come. So thank you so much for for having me. I hope you know, I hope you'll love the book.
Jessica Rasdall 41:01
I do. I know they will. And it'll i think you know if you if you haven't had that mentor yet if nobody's opened the door for you. Even if you haven't had that opportunity yet, this book is the perfect encouragement for you to be that for somebody else. You don't have to wait for someone to do it for you. This book will be that encouragement for you. And I can't wait for everybody to read it. Thanks so much, friends. Thank you. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode of this speak to scale podcast. It would mean the world to us if you could just take a second and head on over to iTunes and leave us a review. Your support of this show allows us to continue creating this content for you each and every week. And we appreciate your reviews and you sharing about the show more than you know. As always, I will be over here cheering you on friend. I'll see you next week for another episode of The speak to scale podcast.
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